Ask EDN Question
Dear EDN,
A co-worker referred to a few of us black people (mainly Habeshas) that spend a lot of time together during lunch/breaks as “the blacks” via text and a coworker showed me. This is the same person who has constantly said we segregate ourselves during events. She has been very nice and is not aware that I know about the text message. How do I handle this situation?
Response
Dear Reader,
This is a tough situation, and a lot of us have been there. We pulsed the Eri Diaspora community, and here are some of your options for handling this situation.
Talk to HR. Quite a few people have said that you should make HR aware of what happened. Human Resources is meant to be an advocate for you, and they will keep your conversation confidential if you ask them to. Even if you don’t want to get your coworker in trouble, HR can help think of ways create a better office environment for everyone.
Talk to your coworker. Confront your coworker in the most polite way possible. Grab a coffee with her and let her know the impact the comment had on you (most of the time, people who face racism don’t even realize the impact their words have, so practice radical empathy). You could even invite her to join you and your friends for lunch — but don’t feel like you have to disrupt the safe space that you and your friends created.
Ask your friend to address it. The best situation would have been your friend to have addressed this situation right away, letting your coworker know in the text that her words were harmful. Ask your friend to have the conversation with this coworker and to be a more supportive ally in the future.
Let it slide. It’s already behind you, and you can just let it go. As someone in our GroupMe said, you now know this coworker’s true colors.
Any of these options are great, and you should choose the one that will make you feel best about closing out this situation. Remember that when it comes to dealing with microagressions, there’s no right or wrong answer — it’s all about what you have the energy to do and what will help you move on. In any case, keep an eye out for any future microagressions from this coworker so that you can document them. If you want to go to HR later, this will help a lot.