#AskEDN Question:
Dear EDN,
I have a colleague who constantly flirts with my boss. My boss is a very smart person but doesn’t get a lot of female attention, so he eats this up. Her behavior hasn’t really affected the opportunities I have, access to clients, or my relationship with him, but she definitely gets opportunities or access to clients she hasn’t earned. You also never know. As a woman in the science/technology field I just feel like she’s setting us back. I’m not here because I’m pretty and could bat my eyes but because I studied, competed and earned it. I want to pull her aside and tell her about herself. She’s playing on his weakness which I find hard to respect. Does it make sense for me to talk to her? Is it ever okay to flirt with your boss?
Response:
Dear Reader,
We first want to acknowledge how frustrated you may feel. Hard work does pay off, but it is hard to witness someone getting ahead in this manner. We reached out to our readers to garner some feedback and we have some things you may want to consider before acting.
Assess the Relationship
Are you a seasoned employee and your coworker is entry-level? If so, you may take the time out to pull them aside, serving as a mentor in the workplace. When doing so, be very careful with this. You never want to make your coworker feel judged or uncomfortable. Sometimes things appear one way from the outside looking in. If the individual is not new to the field and has previous work experience, chances are they are clear on the actions they are taking. If this is the case, your “advice” or “feedback” can be viewed negatively and not received in a positive manner.
Impact on You
You stated in your question that her actions have not impacted your everyday work and access to opportunities. This is a good thing…so far. In the event her actions stand in the way of anything you need, it is your right to speak with your boss regarding all your concerns. If the issues are not addressed at this level, it may be a good time to involve Human Resources and/or upper-level management.
“When they go low, we go high”
Michelle Obama said it best. It is evident that you value hard work, and although this may be your way of living, not everyone values the same things. Mixing business and pleasure almost always backfires. To involve yourself in this matter may put you in an awkward position. Think things through before acting. Not everyone will behave like you and not everyone has the same heart/mind as you. Most of us sleep better at night knowing we earned an honest day’s living, but the same cannot be said for everyone.
We know the decision is yours to make and if your coworker’s behaviors ever have a negative impact in your work or work environment, it is your right to bring it to the attention of your boss, Human Resources, and/or upper-level management. Your peace of mind and having a healthy work environment are important. We wish you the best of luck!