Dear EDN,
Two of my white coworkers have taken it upon themselves to continuously check in on me and make sure I’m okay. They each call me once a week, in addition to a group text they’ve created that they share articles or memes and try to “out woke” one another and ask for my thoughts. They both volunteered to use their privilege to step up and I notice they are speaking up more and being vocal about the company’s lack of diversity and inclusion. They’ve sent me gifts. They mean well, but they are exhausting me. I don’t know how I share that they need to ease up a little. I feel like most others probably want coworkers like mine, they are supportive but I honestly want to process alone and with non-coworkers. Will I come off ungrateful or rude?
Dear Over It,
Thank you for reaching out. You are not alone in this. A lot of us are dealing with similar things from our non-Black co-workers at this time. We shared your question across our social media platforms and received some great feedback and advice from a wide range of professionals. We have incorporated their advice in our tips below.
While your co-workers may mean well in their actions and words, it is important to let them know how it makes you feel. It may feel like a difficult conversation to have, so it would be good to have a game plan of what you’re going to say. Let them know how their behaviors and actions have made you feel and that you don’t want to damage the relationship with them. It is totally fine to tell them you don’t want to process what is going on with them. If they can support you in other ways, then let them know that too. In having open communication with your work colleagues, you are acknowledging your internal feelings. This is a form of self-care. Boundaries are important when you are feeling discomfort. We think your colleagues will understand and respect your wishes.
In this conversation, you can also ask that they spend this time educating themselves and taking meaningful action. It is good that they’re speaking out about diversity and inclusion at your job, but ask that they act on that. For example, they can get involved with helping the company hire more Black people, recruit Black graduates, mentor Black students, etc. They can contribute to causes that fight racial injustices and get involved in efforts centered around policy change to improve the lives of Black people. Also, encourage them to educate themselves and other colleagues. Tell them to read about white privilege, systemic racism, and racial injustices. However, in no way at all is it your responsibility to tell them all of this. You being Black should not automatically designate you as the spokesperson for the Black race. The information they need and may seek is readily available. It is an emotional burden in itself having to spend time educating our White colleagues, don’t put the comfort of others above your own.
At the end of the day, you will not come off as ungrateful or rude. You have every right to process how you are feeling however and with whomever you want to. Let your coworkers know how you feel. We wish you the best of luck!
Best,
EDN