Ask EDN Question
Dear EDN,
I think this one is for the ladies. I have a Masters, work for a start-up and I like my job but I’m not necessarily passionate about it. I find myself constantly feeling like I want to stop working or just stay at home. I’m married to a non-Eritrean and we don’t have kids. I’m not really trying to be a housewife or have kids anytime soon; I just feel a lack of motivation. My husband has told me I can stop working when I choose and we could travel, but I feel a sense of guilt about that. I don’t know, I’m just lacking passion, drive, and motivation and not trying to be a housewife or quit working just yet. I feel like an ungrateful and spoiled brat even writing this. Help.
Ask EDN Response
Dear Reader,
We first want to thank you for being open and sharing your question with other readers. Many of us reach a crossroads in our lives, whether it be changing career fields, deciding to stay at home, travel, family planning, or anything else that may come to mind. It is important to get feedback from others, but ultimately, it is your life. Your happiness and quality of life are important things to factor in when faced with a decision such as this. We received some interesting feedback from our readers that we would like to share with you.
Healthy Expectations
A reader asked a poignant question and that was: “What do you want to be remembered for?”
Many of us enter certain jobs or career fields for specific reasons. We may want the financial security, or we may have entered it because it was our passion. The best thing to do is to determine what your intentions were when you entered your job/field and reassess if you still feel the same way about your decisions. You’re an adult and it is okay to have a change of heart. You made the decision and you tried, but it is fine to change your mind. Your time on this earth is limited, so be courageous and follow your heart. The opinions of others should not carry so much weight that you worry about what others would think about your decisions. It is your life to live.
Quality of Life
You make several mentions of losing motivation or having a lack of passion. Another reader suggested tapping into those feelings and determining if you are experiencing feelings of burnout. Is it the job you have or the field you work in? Are these signs of (functional) depression? Why are you so hard on yourself (i.e. “ungrateful”, “spoiled brat”)? These are questions you need to ask yourself to determine your thought process and how you view yourself. Therapy is a great way to flesh out triggers and have a deeper understanding of the root causes for how you feel. In addition to therapy, if you are spiritual or religious you may want to find a church group for moral support. You can also try working out, yoga, meditation, and other physical and mental exercises that can help you refocus and slow your thoughts down a bit. Once you have done that, you will have the ability to tackle one thing at a time and it will feel less overwhelming.
Zest for Life
Many of us aren’t working in our desired fields or jobs. It would be such an amazing thing to be passionate about something and get a paycheck for it, but that’s not always the case. Determine the things that you are passionate about. The things that you hold dear to your heart and try to find jobs in those areas. If that is not feasible, seeking out volunteer opportunities and charitable causes may feed your passions after a long day of work. Our quality of life is not always determined by what we do from 9 to 5, so volunteering may be another avenue to consider.
Ultimately, this is your life and your happiness is the most important thing. Nothing is easy and from a cultural perspective we may view ourselves as spoiled, due to what our families have endured to make sure we have a fruitful life, but they would not want us to be unhappy or not motivated. We have a responsibility to ourselves to ensure that we have a positive and healthy outlook on our lives, so take the time out to dig deep and determine what makes sense for you. Tomorrow is not promised, so live happily and fully while you are able. Best of luck to you in whatever route you decide to take!