This week EDN has decided to take up a lighter topic of conversation: how to find an Eritrean mate in the diaspora? This issue has been on the minds of many, as our generation gets older and begins to consider the common transitions to marriage and family. We are not, in any way, suggesting that finding an Eritrean mate is preferable to a non-Eritrean partner. To the contrary, we believe this issue is a matter of personal choice that should be respected. However, we do recognize many of our Eritrean peers WANT to find an Eritrean mate. Parental pressure, an adherence to tradition, and just plain personal preferences, are usually the biggest reasons.
The reality, however, is finding an Eritrean mate in the diaspora is no easy task. As an immigrant community, Eritreans are dispersed around the globe. While there are urban areas, like Washington DC and London, with large concentrations of Eritreans, the pool of young singles is usually small. Some Eritreans grow up in areas with no functioning Eritrean community, and know few of their Eritrean peers. Faced with these obstacles, which are really about simple probability, Eritrean diaspora youth often succumb to frustration and give up.
We at EDN don’t have all the answers, but in the spirit of good humor, we thought we would offer some advice. Here are eight helpful tips for finding an Eritrea mate:
- Don’t let educational and professional credentials be a deal breaker
I’m sure we’d all love to marry a successful heart surgeon or lawyer (women AND men included!) and while that is great, we are not sure how many of us will find that. Be open to date someone who may not possess the same socio-economic status as you. We are not advocating that folks lower their standards, but it’s important that one prioritizes and looks for an individual who shares their core values, whose kind, smart and funny as opposed to good looking with a big bank account. Both looks and money fade. Make sure to examine the person’s total package to determine if it’s someone worth building with.
- You won’t meet anybody sitting at home
In order to find an Eritrean mate, you actually need to attend events where Eritrean’s congregate— weddings, festivals, churches, etc. A future partner probably won’t magically appear in your living room one day.
- But, you should also temper your expectations
While attending Eritrean events is a good way to find other young singles, try not to have overly high expectations. Many people successfully find romantic relationships at these events, but many don’t. High expectations will just make you anxious and probably prevent you from having a good time. Plus, there is nothing more awkward than somebody that is trying too hard!
- Say “yes” to a hook-up
Some people may look down on this idea, but one of the best ways to meet a potential significant other is by mining your current network of Eritreans, and having them hook you up with someone they know. Your friend Mehret who lives in Seattle might have a cousin named Filmon. Since you are living in Ohio, you do not know Filmon, even though you share many of the same interests and compatible personalities. Take a leap of faith, and let your friend play matchmaker!
- The best matchmakers are the folks you know best
And who do you know best? For most of us, the answer would be our parents. We understand the idea of having your parents find you a mate sounds cheesy and old-fashioned. But really, what do you have to lose?
- But don’t succumb to parental pressure
Our parents, steeped as they are in tradition, will often apply subtle (and not so subtle) pressure on their children in pushing them towards finding an Eritrean mate. Relationships involve big choices, so while your parents can be a big tool in finding other young singles, make sure your decisions are your own and for the right reasons
- Distance can be overcome
We hear many young Eritreans insist that previous relationships fell apart because of “distance.” Yet the reality is that there is a large pool of young singles outside of your immediate diaspora communities (including back in Eritrea) and if you want an Eritrean partner, you need to make long distance relationships work. In any case, if the relationship becomes serious enough, one or both of you can relocate
- Be willing to break ethnic, religious, and political boundaries
The Eritrean diaspora is weighed down by heavy social and political divisions. This is why we started EDN. In our view, it is important not to be a prisoner of the ethnic, religious, and political divisions that characterize our society when making decisions about courtship and marriage. The Eritrean diaspora is diverse, and you improve your chances of finding a mate when you let go of the biases that characterize the thinking of older generations. If we want to heal our society and promote reconciliation, then we should start with our own personal choices
These are our top eight tips for dating in the Eritrean diaspora. What do you think of our list? Have any other tips you wish to add?
Hello,
My name is Senayet and I am a single mom of 1 child. I live in the Midwest. I would like to meet other Eritreans. It is very difficult to meet people in diaspora so it’s nice there are ways like this to connect.
hi there l am single mum l had 1 child he’s over 2 year’s old, so l am to meet new people hopefully to share my life with in the future if there is any decent man on hear haha God bless u all
Hi Mary
My name is Martin. I live alone in Birmingham. I am a divorced Dad…long time ago
Hi Mary. You seem a genuinely nice person. I hope you found the man of your choice by now. That being said, I think it is important you tell us where you can be reached. For all we know, you can be located in Australia or Japan. So it would be a great help if you can tell us your adopted nation or the state you live in. If you are in the USA, just stating USA will not be adequate. You need to tell us, which state.
As far as having a child, that shouldn’t be an issue. kids are a blessing, no matter where they came from(even adopted ones).I know some of our brothers are retards in the social interaction sense(thinking single mothers are should be untouchables). So keep your head up and find your man, the man who will revere and adores, both of you. Good luck, hope it works out for you.
Well said
So, Eritreans are advice only to date members from their country and community only. I see the more reason why my marriage with and Eritrean lady failed because of the influence of members from their community especially the parents.
The advice to limit your relationship within Eritrean community should be looked into and revised.
Hi Lawrence,
In the first paragraph we state ‘We are not, in any way, suggesting that finding an Eritrean mate is preferable to a non-Eritrean partner. To the contrary, we believe this issue is a matter of personal choice that should be respected. However, we do recognize many of our Eritrean peers WANT to find an Eritrean mate.’
As we mentioned, picking a mate is to the individual’s preference and we respect everyone’s choice. Our advice is for those who desire to find an Eritrean mate.
Thanks!
You did Not talk about dating sites. Are they not relevant part of solution these days.
Do you know some good ones to recommend?
Interesting! My all time favorite is ofcourse No. 4 🙂
I have reservation on No. 8: I felt it was unfair to put “ethnic” brier in the same category as “religious and political”. again may be even not fair to put political brier in same category as religious. In any case, I think it depends on how dear one holds their religious or political identity and how serious the briers are.
Thanks for your comment, Samuel! We hope you were able to share this post with your friends as well.
We understand your reservation to no. 8 and believe that you made a great point – that it does depend on how dear one hold their religious or political identities and the seriousness of those barriers.
hi there just to meet new people first then will see what happened next,
Hi my name is David and I’m in Toronto. I’ve found it challenging meeting other eritreans but some of these suggestions will help. I will be attending eritrean/ethiopian churches once they open and lockdowns come to an end. Sometimes i wish I grew up in eritrea because it would have been much easier to marry compared to courtship in canada. Cheers and good luck everyone 🙂
I agree with you!